luv kamarul arriffin. n.n

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heliu. :> this is my new blog. i wanna keep private for the moment. :/ because why? this blog is for me to keep what i feel and write towards people outside whom i can't talk about them in my previous blog. hmm, i'm just gonna let kamarul read it. somehow, i don't really trust people outside except for Syafiq and Kamarul. This are the only two people whom i really give my trust to. Well how about Syahindah, Dahliah and Balqis? To be honest, i don't really trust them. :/ haish.

today i met kamarul and talked things out. maybe i am too weak to face everything? i'm controlled by Dahliah. Been physically bullied and verbally bullied. Yes, it hurts. But as a bestfriend, i just have to accept who she is. But she as a bestfriend to gotta think about my feelings. Maybe to her was just a joke, but she dosen't know how much she hurt me since last year. :/ imma person who keep following people what to do. i can't just simply say to them because i care to much? i dunno. i feel like i'm being use. :/ wtf. who is there for me if there isn't kamarul. i'm really lucky to have him. he really did help me alot even about my friends. well, how about balqis? my long lost friend. we are not like we use to since we both met dahliah. she's with dahliah all this while. and i really feel left out when i'm with them. they have so much in common when i don't. syahindah is there for me, she really is. but i can't really tell how i feel for dahliah. because i know, she will tell her because of caring and pitying me. i know. she did stop dahliah to hit me and stuffs. well, i did try to ignore dahliah and just forgive on what she did to me. but she will always try her luck to come back to me for help and when she's alone. maybe she is using me. i feel like a dog to her now, really. atleast, i have syahindah when we're around them and thts only because alif there's too. if they aren't together, i dunno what i am to balqis and dahliah. maybe i will just keep quiet with them and laugh with them whtever is funny to me? pfst. but inside, crash and burn. ): really. i really feel tht alooooot. :/ haishhh. if only i can tell dahliah how much i feel about her sometimes. but, i need patients. pfst, i'm running out of patients with her. :/ i just wish i can stand up for myself and talk things out. i'm weak.