luv kamarul arriffin. n.n

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Maybe the love and care isn't worth it.



i really miss you. :( please get well soon. <3<3 yknow what, i miss your cute face.


Im just really confuse and scared with what i'm dealing with.


History sucks big time.
Just memorized chapter of 2,3,5 amd 6. Head can burst. -________- But than, i know i should have studied earlier. zzzzzzzzzzzzz but nvm. :) Chapter 5 really make me scared. Great Depression and External Revolution. But im better in history rather than geography. But nvm, tmrw another round of study group at fifi's house. gonna watch wujud 5 , eat lunch the study. no more nerf guns, must STUDY. k byeeeee.


4th October 2011
today marks that day of me and kamarul's 1year 3month together. but sadly, we're not really in a relationship. we're just friends. but its okay. :) because what important more to me is that we go through challenges as friends first so that i can prove myself that i am super ready and know that i can be strong when there is a fight if happen we're back together. :) because the fact is, we got heartbreak more when both party fight even if they are just friends. or either, its more heartbreak, when both party are in a rs? o_o idk, so confusing. heh. but the fact is that we tend to give up so easily eveytime there is a fight when both are in a rs. thats for sure. i've been there before. i shouldn't be so weak before. now and still, im trying to learnt how t learnt every of my lesson and take all the consequences back. because i know i deserve it. i just wanna change for a better. i've been trying to hard since last time, and i hope that kamarul can really see a change in me. because i wanna prove to him and myself that i'm able to overcome any problems that is coming through later. :) for the past few days, i've not been hanging out with him. i know i'm kinda with my friends everytime after schools or exam but that is because i want him to spent mroe time with his friends. i dont wanna be like dahliah actually. i dont want his friends to hate me saying im controlling him or whtsoever because i know i got no rights as we're just friends. being hate by his brother really mean something to me too, to be honest. even if its just ariffin or adib or whatsoever. because somehow, there are there when we're in need, like seriously. i somehow treasure them thats why i dont wanna be hate and talk bad by them. but no matter how far and how near the distance is between me and kamarul, i will never forget him. he is just inside my heart. i just miss him so much, i miss everything. and actually, i miss my happy life. but its okay. i just pray to god for happiness in my life. because i believe if i belive more. :) after writing this, i felt that i've never been so there for my ownself before. its like im not giving easily, being strong and brave.

not just about my 2nd and 3rd priority in my life. but actually, im concern about my very 1st priority in my life. and tht is my family. :) after hearing all stories from my mum and uncles aziz, it make me realise how much they had gone through with their ex husband and wife. now, my dad got married. i amd happy for him so tht he can built up a new family too for my siblings, insyaallah. i just really hope that he wont forget about me and my younger siblings. i can learn to love my step mum but i wont be so stupid to fall into her tricks. but still, i respect. i will stil respect her as mu step mum. i just wish i can get to know her better. because to me, i want the bonding fo a daughter and a step mum yknw? :) and now my mum. she cried day and night thinking about us. every tears she shed really make my heart break and very sad to see. tell me, if you mum cried for hours, how will you feel? atlwast, im really thankful to have a shelter for us to stay. a safe place though its not convinient. but soon, only if we pray hard, my family will get a house to stay. from there, its a new beginning for us. im waiting for tht moment. im happy at where im staying at actually, because im actually thankful to still have a house rather than finding so hard and got no where to stay. so this is what im going through right now. im not really lving my life, but i know someday, i will feel the love. <3<3



Basically, i miss that boy beside me right now. I really do. But still, i can understand what kind of situation we are going through for awhile. I really miss everything i do with her. The way he pinch my cheecks, the way he kiss me on my cheecks for no reasons, many things i miss doing things with him. I miss our warm hugs and kisses. I really miss. Even if i don't get the feeling of missing, i've been wanting his hug and kisses. He miss me, and i miss him. I cannot really emphasise how much i miss him. If you are reading this, im just telling you that i miss you. I rindu kan you. And i sayangkan you tau. :'( i want to do things like how we do last time. though you've change abit, that doesn't change the fact that i don't love you. yes, my love for you decrease but it didn't drop drastically. i still do have some remaining love to spare for you. i luv you kamarul.



i,miss tat action wit sayang..hehe..really..warm,long kisses will b fun if i will have it nw..hehe,,really taww..i miss it so much..hehe,,i wan it really soon taww uu..plss..hehe..i feel,like hugging u den kiss u long long taww..hehe..saayaang u taww..hehe..if only this pic was me,n her kissing rite nw..hehe,,kay dhen..toodles..-ayundavick

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